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Attachment Style Assessment

Please concentrate on one important adult relationship when answering the questions on this questionnaire. It must be the person with whom you connect the most, regardless of whether you are in a romantic relationship. Who is your main "go-to" person when you need help, are sick, are having problems, want to celebrate, need to call with news, etc.? They're the person who's being referred to as "this person" throughout this worksheet. Think about how strongly you agree with each statement before responding. 

Disagree 0     Sometimes Agree 1     Mostly Agree 2    Strongly Agree 3

 

SECTION 1 

 

  • Usually, when I'm with this person, I feel at ease.

  • I have no trouble transitioning from being close and connected to this person to being by myself.

  • It's fairly simple for me to apologize, come up with a win-win solution, or fix the lack of synchronicity or disharmony when this person and I run into an issue.

  • The majority of people have good intentions.

  • Respecting the agreements I make with this person is important to me.

  • Whenever possible, I try to recognize and meet this person's needs, and I feel comfortable telling them about my own needs as well.

  • I actively work to keep this person safe in our relationship by defending them from harm and other people.

  • I am kind and considerate toward this person, and I eagerly anticipate our time together.

  • I feel comfortable showing this person affection.

  • I am able to maintain confidentiality, defend this person's privacy, and observe limits.

Total Section 1 = ____________

SECTION 2

 

  • I experience irrational stress when this person enters the house or approaches me, especially when they seek intimacy.

  • I catch myself downplaying the value of close friendships in my life.

  • I place a strong emphasis on independence: I find it difficult to ask for help. I carry out the majority of my daily activities and pastimes on my own.

  • Sometimes I wish others were more independent because I feel superior to them for not needing me.

  • I feel like this person is always there, but I frequently prefer to be alone unless I specifically request it.

  • Sometimes I would rather have uncommitted sex than committed sex.

  • I typically prefer interactions with objects or animals over people.

  • I frequently find eye contact unsettling and particularly challenging to maintain.

  • I find it simpler to reason through issues than to emotionally express myself.

  • When I end a relationship, I might initially feel separation elation before getting depressed.

 

Total Section 2 = ________

SECTION 3

  • I rarely feel satisfied and am constantly yearning for something or someone that I believe I can't have.

  • In an effort to maintain a connection, I occasionally over-function, over-adapt, accommodate others, or apologize excessively for things I didn't do.

  • I often lose myself in relationships because I put too much emphasis on others.

  • I find it challenging to refuse requests or establish reasonable limits.

  • I constantly question my actions and occasionally wish I'd said something different.

  • I frequently hold a grudge when I give more than I receive. When this person expresses love, it can be challenging to accept it.

  • Being alone is difficult for me. If I'm alone, I experience anxiety, abandonment, hurt, and/or rage.

  • I have a strong desire to be close to this person and a crippling fear of ending the relationship at the same time.

  • I want to be close to this person, but I also feel resentment toward them. I pick fights after impatiently awaiting their arrival.

  • I frequently have a tendency to "merge" or lose myself in this person and experience their emotions or desires.

 

 

Total Section 3 = _____________

SECTION 4

  • I occasionally go through a mysterious fear when this person and I get to a certain level of intimacy.

  • I frequently feel perplexed and as though a problem is unsolvable when it's presented to me.

  • I react with an exaggerated startle when people come up to me unexpectedly.

  • This person frequently remarks on or complains about how controlling I am.

  • I frequently assume the worst when it comes to my relationship.

  • Protection frequently seems unattainable. I have a hard time trusting this person.

  • I find it difficult to recall and articulate the emotions associated with previous attachment circumstances. I lose connection, dissociate, or become perplexed.

  • Although I want to be close to this person, I'm afraid of them at the same time.

  • My automatic, proactive self-protective reactions are frequently ineffective in the face of potential danger, leaving me feeling immobile, disconnected, or "gone."

  • It's crucial for this person to keep things straightforward and understandable because I get lost or confused easily, especially when I'm stressed.

Total Section 4 = _______

Scoring:

 

Add up your answers for each section, then note the total. Your attachment pattern will be represented in the section with the highest number. You might discover a variety of styles or just one dominant style.  Both are acceptable and can aid in your increased awareness of your interactions. We can also think of every one of these categories as a continuum.

 

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