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Are you a people pleaser?

Take a few minutes to answer each of the following questions either true or false. Once you've done so you'll be able to follow the instructions to see if you're a people pleaser and if you are, to determine what type of a people pleaser you are.

  1. I place a great deal of importance on having the friendship of almost everyone in my life. (T)/(F)

  2. I think that conflict can never result in anything positive. (T)/(F)

  3. The needs of the people I care about should always come before mine. (T)/(F)

  4. I anticipate overcoming conflict and confrontation. (T)/(F)

  5. To avoid being rejected for other reasons, I frequently do too much for other people or even allow myself to be used. (T)/(F)

  6. I've always needed other people's approval. (T)/(F)

  7. Expressing negative feelings toward others is much harder for me to do than admitting negative feelings about myself. (T)/(F)

  8. I think I won't be left alone if I make other people depend on me for all the things I do for them. (T)/(F)

  9. I have a strong addiction to serving others and making them happy. (T)/(F)

  10. My efforts to avoid hostility or conflict with my family, friends, or coworkers are extensive. (T)/(F)

  11. I'm likely to put others' happiness before my own by doing everything I can to make them happy. (T)/(F)

  12. I almost never defend myself by speaking up to others because I'm afraid of evoking resentment or starting a fight. (T)/(F)

  13. If I stopped prioritizing the needs of others, I would turn selfish and lose the respect of others. (T)/(F)

  14. Having to deal with a conflict or confrontation with anyone makes me feel so anxious that I almost feel sick. (T)/(F)

  15. Because I don't want to irritate anyone, it is very difficult for me to express criticism, even if it is constructive. (T)/(F)

  16. I must always put others before myself, even if it means sacrificing my feelings. (T)/(F)

  17. In order to be deserving of love, I must constantly give of myself. (T)/(F)

  18. I firmly believe that those who are kind win the respect, love, and friendship of others. (T)/(F)

  19. Even when I am aware that someone is making unreasonable or excessive demands of me, I must never let them down by failing to fulfill them. (T)/(F)

  20. There are times when I feel as though I'm attempting to "buy" the love and friendship of others by going out of my way to make them happy. (T)/(F)

  21. I feel extremely uneasy and anxious whenever I say or do something that might anger someone else. (T)/(F)

  22. I hardly ever assign work to others. (T)/(F)

  23. When I decline other people's requests or needs, I feel bad. (T)/(F)

  24. If I didn't constantly give of myself to those around me, I'd think I'm a bad person. (T)/(F)

Answer Guide

Total the number of "True" responses you provided. Here's what your score means:

  • 16 - 24: You have a serious desire to please others. Your relationship's quality, as well as your physical and emotional health, are probably suffering as a result. However, your level of distress right now may serve as a powerful catalyst for taking back control of your life. 

  • 10 - 15: Your desire to please is moderately severe. To stop this pattern from getting worse, it needs to be altered right away.

  • 5 - 9: You have a moderate case of people-pleasing. Your strength and resistance to negative tendencies have probably increased. However, your people-pleasing tendencies might still pose a risk to your health and well-being. The time is right to take advantage of your advantages and work toward a full recovery.

  • 0 - 4: Good news! You don't have any people-pleasing tendencies at all. 

What kind of people-pleaser are you?

 

People pleasing generally falls into one of three categories. You can add up our results on the questions that gauge each of the three causes to determine which one you are. 

 

To determine whether your thoughts are in control of you:  The total amount of "true" answers to questions is as follows: 1, 3, 5, 8, 13, 17, 18, & 24

 

 

To determine whether your habits or behaviors are in control of you: The total amount of "true" answers to questions is as follows: 6, 9, 11, 16, 19, 20, 22, & 23

 

 

To check if your feelings or emotions have control over you: The total amount of "true" answers to questions is as follows: 2, 4, 7, 10, 12, 14, 15, & 21

 

 

Which of these is the reason why you continue to try to please people the most will be revealed by the factor with the highest score. If your thought score was highest, you are a cognitive people pleaser. If your score on the habits or behavior scale was highest, you are a behavioral people pleaser. If your score on the feelings/emotions scale was highest, you are an emotionally avoidant people-pleaser. You might discover that you are tied for a few different categories, indicating that there are multiple reasons behind your pattern of pleasing others.

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