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Parents, Guard Your Children From Abuse

Children who experience abuse as children begin to believe that the abuse is "normal." Children who receive abusive love from their parents (whether it be coercive, physically violent, psychologically abusive, etc.) are not exposed to other kinds of love. Instead, they think that this is how love should feel and behave. Sadly, the majority of us "healthy" adults are aware that this is untrue.

As they say, "The proof is in the pudding."

You might want some "proof" now that you have a basic understanding of why this occurs. I could easily say, "There it is," and point to myself or someone like Tina Turner, but I won't. But this is where the psychological aspect of it all kicks in. Most of us are aware of how easily moldable young people are. This implies that how they are raised will undoubtedly have an impact on the person they end up becoming in the future.

Here, psychiatrists have learned about something called ACES (adverse childhood experiences, a.k.a. traumas). The ones we're worried about here are physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical neglect, and emotional neglect, although there is a list of ten of these things. The likelihood that trauma will have an effect on a child's life increases the more of these various types of abuse they experience. Not only are these kids affected, but as a child experiences more trauma, the impact becomes more severe.

Recognizing ACES's Effects

Trauma can manifest itself in a person's life in a variety of ways. The attachment style of the child is one of the main ways it affects them. This indicates that trauma affects a person's relationships with and attachment to those who are closest to them (e.g., parent, intimate partner). As a result, the most prevalent attachment disorder, anxious-ambivalent attachment disorder, is more likely to develop in a child who has ACES as a result of parental abuse. Adults who suffer from this form of attachment disorder will form attachments to anyone who shows them enough care. It will usually be another abuser because they confuse it with love. Then, in an effort to keep this person, they will go out of their way to please them. As a result, the abuse has become commonplace in their lives once more.

My Example: My Life

My parents were violent, as I previously mentioned, and I mistook this for love. For myself, I had no better knowledge. I believed that this is how all families should operate, with the child being afraid of the adult and following instructions. Now, I'm not suggesting that parents let their children roam freely, but I do believe that they shouldn't be so worried about making a mistake that they stop eating when it's time for exams (something I frequently did).

The presence of many ACES prevented me from forming a healthy attachment to either of my parents. As a result, I not only began to exhibit unhealthy attachment disorder but also started to lean heavily toward people pleasing. Therefore, when my abuser gave me attention, I clung to it. I tried to maintain the relationship as best I could because I believed it to be "normal" as it developed. His cheating eventually became "normal" to me, and I made the decision that it was time to leave.

I'm telling you this "story" in the hopes that it will help you better understand the psychology of abuse.

The verdict is as follows...

I've unfortunately had this experience, so I can speak from personal experience. My narcissistic parents, a physically aggressive mother, and a passive-aggressive father, raised me in a home. They verbally abused my mother as well as me, according to my father. I eventually became a victim of intimate partner violence after experiencing this as "love" (sexual, mental, verbal, coercive, and economic abuse). Later, when I understood that this wasn't "normal," I was able to escape. Since then, I've noticed that a lot of people, including Tina Turner, have had similar experiences. I've therefore established a platform through which I can advocate for individuals like myself. I invite you to visit, look it over, and perhaps even gain some new knowledge.


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